by Steven Sawiki
Steven Sawicki writes reviews, short stories, novels, and screenplays. You can learn more about him at www.damnaliens.com
Alert! Alert! Sound silent alarm five second pre-transmit.
Bureau Chief Eyes only. Desequence now. Intercept Addis Addaba ground station.
CNN proxy display. Ground lines only. Scramble.
Tight beam intercept through Mosquare II weather satellite.
Linear coords 125 degrees north by 80 degrees west from center
Probable suit to ship deflection–98%
Contents filtered through language patch
delete, delete, delete post transmission
Priority 2, alpha red direct.
(Static, breakup, static,) (voice) “…sus, clear as a bell.”
(Voice, NASA Flight Director 84% accurate) (Internal command)”Reset to Com 2″ “Say again, John.”
(Voice, EVA crew probable 79% accurate) “It was a ship, dammit, huge, in the distance.”
Nasa: (Internal) “Don’t pull this through Adelaide.” (To Glenn)”You’re not near MIR.”
Glenn: “This is not, I repeat, not MIR. It was big, can’t tell how big but big. Huge, just huge.”
Nasa: (Internal) “No one gets this.”
Unknown: “Yes sir.”
Nasa: “Confirm, John. Huge ship?”
Glenn: “Yes. Confirm. Yes.”
(Scrambled voices in background. Probable Nasa Flight covered mike with hand. Tone and variable content indicate disbelief.)
Nasa: “John, do you have shuttle confirmation?”
Glenn: “Negative. It was belly side. Don’t know how long.”
Nasa: “Radar? Lidar? Light Defraction? Any confirm?”
(Voice, Shuttle Commander 94% accurate) “Negative ground.”
Nasa: “Is it still there, John?”
Shuttle Commander: “Recommend re-entry to bay, ground.”
Nasa: “Roger that commander.” “John, we’d like you to get back inside.”
Glenn: “Dammit, it was……..” (Scrambled static, breakup) “……ear that?”
Nasa: (Internal) “Clear that static.” “Say again, John, you’re breaking up.”
Glenn: (breakup, static, static) “……..ething. Almost wor……” (breakup)
Nasa: (Internal) “Clear this, now.” “John, say again, we keep losing you.”
Glenn: (Static) “……..at they said. Wait, here it comes again.”
Nasa: “what’s coming John?” “Shuttle, what’s coming?”
Shuttle Commander: “Some kind of, I don’t know ground, interference.”
Glenn: “Words. Language. Wait.”
Nasa: “Words, John? What words?”
Glenn: “Coming again. Wait. Here. Very faint. ‘Coming again.’ Something that sounded like wikay or wickey. Wait. Wait. No. I don’t know.”
Nasa: “What, John?” “Shuttle, are you getting this?”
Shuttle Commander: “Just communication from you and John, ground, some static, nothing else.”
Glenn: “It was English, mostly. At least I think it was. The last couple of words I’m not sure about.”
Nasa: “What words, John? The Wickey thing?”
Glenn: “No. After that.”
Nasa: “We think you might want to get back in the shuttle, John.”
Shuttle Commander: “Ten minutes to ESPAR EVA Ground.”
Nasa: “Roger Command, hold to signal.”
Glenn: “No, I heard it. I just don’t comprehend.”
Nasa: “Tell us when you’re inside the ship, John.”
Glenn: “Sounded like English.”
Nasa: “Tell us and then get in the ship, okay John?”
Glenn: “Oh yeah, sure.”
Nasa: “What were the last words?”
Glenn: “I’m not really sure. They were clear but I’m just not sure.”
Nasa: “Tell us and then get back inside. What did they sound like?”
Glenn: “Well, it sounded like, I don’t know, it was fading.”
Nasa: “Best guess then, John.”
Glenn: “Roger. It sounded just like they said…..Like they said……..”
Nasa: “We’re listening, John.”
Glenn: “Spooze, dude?”
(Static, breakup, static, static)
Satellite connect disfigured. Probable occurrence of link disfraction 98%.
Downlink disrupted by upper atmosphere disturbance.
See national weather service logs North America 06/09/03 06:06:06:09.
Probable meteor displacement 94%.
NASA unconfirmed transmission.
NASA unconfirmed content.
NASA denial 99%.
Read only, no write, no copy.
Erase, erase, erase.
“And the stars whirled about us like angels dancing in the lonely firmament,” Brent Morrison, Shuttle Commander STS 73
Subject: Greetings and Saltinations
Date: Mon, 09 Jun, 2003, 22:32:02 -0400
From: Steve Sawicki <firstname.lastname@example.org
To: Steve Sawicki <email@example.com>
(Note the formal and proper usage particularly considering your races’ penchant for queasiness at queeriness)
It has come to our attention that Mr. Sawicki (or Slippery as Hummer calls him) has been sending out notices concerning talking monkeys and, gasp, aliens. Where does he come up with these things? We would like to, at this time remind you that Mr. Sawicki is not only a writer but on medication. You must take anything he says or writes with considerable amounts of sodium or, as might be best, with total disregard. If Mr. Sawicki’s writings were by some chance true, then the merchandising for such things as Spooze, action figures with full tenstacular action, model motherships, a ‘monkey dung’ video game, t-shirts, etc. would already be snapped up. We would also like to point out that under the interstellar creator code of Admok21113, the full rights to any such creations would belong not only to Mr. Sawicki but to the aforementioned, yet totally and very non-existent, aliens.
We think it is extremely important that you not be concerned about aliens, non-existent or otherwise and we hope that you take Mr. Sawicki’s wanderings of the mind in the same light as which they were written–a dim, barely visible one. We express our mutual gratitude in advance. Feel free to send DNA. The dog says hello. Bye for now and please just delete any further notes, letters, manila packages or emails you may get from Mr. Sawicki without actually reading them. Feel no guilt. His mind is sideways.
Subject: Monkey Bars
Date: Sun, 15 Jun, 2003, 08:13:51 -0400
From: Steve Sawicki <firstname.lastname@example.org
To: Mike <MMGonchanal@unright.net>
How have you been. Sorry about Friday night but I had to do those changes the editor wanted. Who would have thought cutting 2,000 words from a 3,000 word short story would be considered ‘a few minor changes’? Damn editors are worse than fleas. At least you can get that powder stuff for fleas.
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